It’s Monday morning and I could explore a plethora of topics. I could talk about the Academy Awards last night and who won or lost for Best Picture. I could talk about who was best or worst dressed. I could talk about my ‘baby-focused’ weekend in picking up a crib from Babies ‘R Us on a Friday night to painting the nursery or putting together the crib on Saturday. I could certainly re-visit the conversation I had with my girlfriend about adopting a child of our own. Or I could talk about the possibility that my dog of 7 years might have cancer.

It was a bizarre weekend filled with questions and distractions and a whole lot of What ifs……..

I spent much of it looking for the bigger picture. I cried and napped. I napped and cried. I had lengthy conversations with my dog, who looked a little confused as to why I was crying all over him. At one point, he actually got up and walked away from me probably because I was just freaking him out. I made many promises to my dog this weekend including giving him a walk a day and much much much more play time with his favorite rope toy. He got lots of ice cream and a play date with his sister on Sunday.

In addition to spoiling my dog, I distracted myself with as many activities and conversations as I could. I helped friends get their nursery together for a baby that will be here in less than 8 weeks. I spent far too long in the closet painting without any air circulation. I was secretly hoping paint fumes would destroy a few of the brain cells that captured the conversation I had with the veterinarian on Friday. If I lost those brain cells than perhaps the conversation about lymphoma didn’t happen.

On the way to the store to buy a $100 jacket that I didn’t need, my girlfriend and I discussed the possibility of adopting a baby. During this, I simply pointed out that only one of us could legally adopt the child, so perhaps we should adopt siblings so that we each could have one. We left home as a couple with three dogs and within 40 minutes we became a family of seven. I could see it. I could see the dogs and the kids and the lunches that needed to be packed. But would there be three dogs… or just two.

Several months ago I wrote a Blog about my attempts to simplify my life. I joked about finding myself with a poodle and a camper. Perhaps in a few short years I can add a couple of Honduran babies to that equation. One never knows…….

But what I DO know is that on Wednesday of this week I will know if my dog has a severe infection or cancer…… or both. I’ve moved past the financial piece to this puzzle. I will do whatever is best for him, no matter what the cost. I can’t say for sure that I can see the bigger picture right now. I can’t predict the future. I have no idea how it will play out. But I DO know that he has brought me to this point. He has brought me to a place where I’m at peace with the circumstances of life, no matter what they are. I look at him and see more than a dog. I see myself. I see a pound puppy with a free spirit who always has one eye to the door. I see a sweet temperament who has a bit of separation anxiety. I see a dog who has endured in spite of my inadequacies. I see a survivor.

To be continued…….